 We need to receive love from before birth. To receive love is very important to our emotional and psychological well-being. Research shows that the strong, caring attachments to our caregivers from an early age assists us in developing a sense of confidence and trust towards others.
As adults we need the supportive, understanding relationship connections to other people for our mental health. This reduces our psychological isolation and consequently gives us belonging and helps form our identity. No man is an island remember. Relationships offer so much in the form of emotional support, encouragement and valuable inputs. Among others, people help to ground us in reality by offering a wider perspective on a situation than what we might currently hold. People can give valuable feedback on how we treat others and approach our lives. As Christians we can also, through the Holy Spirit, remind each other of the Truth as manifested in the life giving gospel of Jesus Christ. We can encourage, challenge and walk alongside each other as we run this race of faith together. Unfortunately people can also let us down. They are just not able to provide the unfailing, strong, consistent love and support that we actually need. This is because people mostly tend to love conditionally. We find it hard to always love those that hurt us and especially those bullies that act as our enemies. Even the best of people can break promises and do not always remain faithful. What we need is a love that sticks with us even if we fail. A love that remains faithful through thick and thin, that is stronger than our problems and greatest challenges. The only love that truly meets these requirements is that of God Himself. Faithfulness and love is an intrinsic part of who He is. “If we are faithless, He remains faithful [true to His word and His righteous character], for He cannot deny Himself.” 2 Tim 2:13 Amp If we could experience a love that is so strong, enduring and never failing then it would lead to an immense sense of psychological and spiritual security. That is what God offers to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. He proved His love to us by paying the tremendous price of death to save His enemies, me and you. And now He offers a strong bond, an attachment like no other. In this relationship we are so secure because the other party is perfect! He does not act selfishly, forget His promises or drop us half way. His wisdom and strength surpasses anyone’s. His tender loving care is so great and is based on who He is and what He did for us at the cross, not on how good one is. “But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” Rom 5:8 Amp My own experience of God’s love for me has changed my life. I was once a broken and hurt young man, but was found and cradled by God’s intense care for me. Although I did not always feel it, I came to realize through a process with multiple experiences that He never leaves, abandons or rejects me. However, the pressures of life and my own failures sometimes distract me. Therefore I need to be reminded of this truth regularly. As my limited understanding of His great mercy and grace for me in Christ expands, I come to feel loved even more. This spurs me on to love God with all my being. If you received Jesus Christ, then you are filled with the love of God through the Holy Spirit (Rom 5:5) . This enables you to love other people, especially believers. Then you are able to fulfill the Lord’s command to love fellow believers as He loved us (Joh 13:34). So, in closing, you need the love of God and your fellow believers. May you experience His love as you journey with Him. Erich Schoeman (MSc. Clin Psych) Facebook: Matters of the Soul Check out our YouTube channel for lots of free videos: Matters of the Soul YouTube
0 Comments
 By Erich Schoeman (Clinical Psychologist)
Matters of the Soul (www.mattersofthesoul.org or www.sakevdsiel.org) Following on from my previous article, 10 ways to defeat worry, here are 10 ways that the Lord breaks the worrying cycle in our lives. The gospel is about a person who is alive and well today. Jesus Christ was resurrected from death and is presently at God the Father’s right hand in heaven. We can talk with Him and share in His relationship with the Father, experience His love and the direct impact on our lives today through the Holy Spirit He sent to be with us. If you have put your trust in Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins (the fact that you have broken God’s laws and missed His design for you as your Creator) and eternal life (you will be where He is now after you die), then you have experienced the new life of the Holy Spirit. You now know the Lord Jesus as your Saviour. Now put the rest of your life also in His hands. You should learn to follow His thoughts and plans for your life and not your own.In order to follow Him, you must know Him and this happens through His Word (the Bible) and experience. The Word teaches you the truth about who He is and what He wants. Then you can put your trust in Him, do what He says and see Him at work through various life experiences. God plays a number of roles in your daily life. This relieves you of trying to be all these things to yourself or solely relying on other people. As you learn to trust God you will experience the blessed delight of living on earth as one of His children. This will significantly reduce your reasons for worrying. Here are 10 roles that God fulfills in your life. He is your: 1. Father “So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15 New Living Translation (NLT) As your Father, He lovingly takes care of you and wisely corrects you for your benefit. He is so trustworthy that you can trust Him as Jesus did, even unto death. 2. Friend “I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me” John 15:15 (NLT) He considers you a friend and laid down His life for you. Now wouldn’t He also care for you? 3. Helper “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble” Psalm 46:1 (NLT) He is always available to help. Ask anytime. Make sure you seek what He wants for you, it’s better anyway. 4. Provider and Leader “The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need“ Psalm 23:1 GNB When you are God’s child and you follow Him as your leader, you will find that He cares for every need of yours, emotional and physical. He will look after you like a shepherd looks after the sheep. The sheep have no stress. They chill out. 5.Strength “For the eyes of the LORD roam throughout the earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is fully devoted to Him” 2 Chronicles 16:9 When you depend on the Lord and follow Him wholeheartedly, you will find that He uses your crises to show His strength and then you can testify to His reality and power. You rely on the strength that He works through you. You might remain weak, but He will be strong (2 Corinthians 12:10) 6. God Almighty “When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty. Walk before Me and be blameless”. Gen 17:1 God is all powerful and He can do anything. You should trust Him unequivocally. 7. Protector “The LORD is my protector; he is my strong fortress. My God is my protection, and with him I am safe. He protects me like a shield; he defends me and keeps me safe.” Psalm 18:2 GNT God promises to be our protector. He shields us against many dangers of life. . However, sometimes unexpected things may happen to us that could make it seem as though He is not. The fact that it happens does not mean He is not protecting. It is rather that you are safe in the midst of the storm, walk on the water. The threat is needed to effect a rescue and show of power. God becomes visible through your situation. If God does not rescue and protect us in the way that we thought He would and the outcomes are less than desirable, we have the reassurance that He is in control of our lives. He allows certain situations and whatever the outcome, masterfully works them to our good and His glory (Rom 8:28). He uses these to strengthen our faith (Jam 1), make us live out more of our true identity, the Lord Jesus (Rom 8:29) and bring glory to His Name. We have the comfort that our lives are genuinely in His hands (Ps 31:15) and He is always with us (Heb 13:5-6). When you are exposed to bad things, ask Him what you want to happen, but wait to see how He works these out for His glory. Be available and trusting. If we then worry, it means we’ve forgotten that He is God, loves us and will protect us. 8. Peace “For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace”. Isaiah 9:6 The fact that the Lord Jesus is in your life gives you peace with God, peace in life’s challenges, peace about your eternal destiny, peace because He, the one who loves you, is intimately with you. 9. Faithful God “Then I saw heaven standing open, and there before me was a white horse. And its rider is called Faithful and True. With righteousness He judges and wages war”. Rev 19:11 Faithfulness is part of who God is. If He promises you something, He will do it. Make sure you keep on trusting and do not give up when it seems that what you wanted didn’t happen. Follow God’s plan. 10. Comforter “Blessed [gratefully praised and adored] be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts and encourages us in every trouble so that we will be able to comfort and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God”. 2 Cor 1:3-4 AMP He wants to comfort us in trouble and enable us to then comfort others. Letting go of worry is a daily process of replacing worrying thoughts with the truth of who God really is and what that means in your life. May the Lord bless you as you trust in His guidance to help you let go of worry and let God take over. Matters of the Soul is an Article 18A non-profit organisation registered in South Africa. If you want to contribute financially to enable our work and receive a tax deductible certificate, please email erich@mattersofthesoul.org or go to Donate  By Erich Schoeman (Clinical Psychologist) To be worried about life is very common. These days most of us face additional reasons to give in to worry as we are faced with a global health crisis that has serious implications on everyday life. Some people’s financial situations have now escalated to panic level. The challenges are very real and our concerns relevant. As Christians we are faced with the same giants as the rest of the world. How do we fight them and not allow ourselves to be swamped by worry and fear about our safety and security? Here are 10 practical ways to defeat worry: 1. Distinguish between concern and worry: it is normal to have everyday concerns about paying bills and getting all the work done. It usually leads to actions to alleviate them. However, it becomes problematic when the healthy concern turns into habitual worrying that is difficult to disengage from and saps your mental energy. 2. Identify what you are worried about - write a list of all your worries and add why you are worried. This lessens the fogginess and clarifies exactly what the worries are about. 3. Identify your feelings: when we worry, we tend to feel apprehension, anxiety, frustration, irritation and fear. Feelings of worry and fear can escalate panic. This is because the feelings of fear make the worries seem more realistic. Giving these feelings a name will already bring some control and help you distinguish between your feelings and the situation. 4. Identify your thoughts and beliefs: feelings are mostly fueled by thoughts that we believe to be true about our situations. Fear and worry are basically thought patterns. You need to identify your unhelpful thoughts. They typically sound like: “What if I cannot pay the bills?” - catastrophizing - creating additional stressors by assuming negative outcomes and disasters will happen “I won’t be able to support my family” - jumping to conclusions - playing the worry out to an assumed negative end “The boss said they are going to take my leave to compensate for my absence!” - mental filtering - seeing only one negative aspect of a situation “O no! How are we going to cope with / do …?!” - assuming there is nothing that can be done about the problem and expecting being overwhelmed “My family will be so disappointed in me” - assuming negative reactions without a resolve, thus feeling afraid “I cannot do this, I don’t know what we are going to do..” assuming a helpless position and limiting your own ability to handle the crisis. This leads to passivity and feelings of being overwhelmed “I should not have done this/that” - - personalisation - blaming yourself (or someone else) when something goes wrong without considering all variables “I cannot lose my job” - rigidly framing the situation to only one possible outcome, therefore limiting solutions and heightening anxiety “There is no way out of this..” - blocking possible solutions and creating panic “This is really bad!” - magnifying the negative aspects and minimising the positives, thus giving a distorted picture and increasing a sense of being overwhelmed. 5. Challenge the thoughts: what we believe to be true about our situations mostly go unchecked. We can act as detectives in examining our thoughts and checking whether they are founded on evidence and mostly, if they are aligned with the truth, the Word of God. Ask questions to evaluate the thoughts:
“What if I cannot pay the bills?” - ‘What if’’ questions rarely work. I am not alone in this, the Lord is with me and He knows my needs. I will ask Him for support and follow His guidance. If I end up being unable to pay my bills, I will handle the situation with the agencies involved. My life will continue and there will be other opportunities to prosper. “I won’t be able to support my family” - This situation might lead me to not being able to support my family, but the worst case scenario is unlikely. Chances are that we will get through this, but we might have to make temporary sacrifices. “O no! How are we going to cope with / do …?!” - I might not know now how things will work out, but the Lord does. With His wisdom I will see what I am able to do and trust Him with the rest. For every challenge there is always some answer, especially with the Lord present. “My family will be so disappointed in me” - If my family has reason to be disappointed in me, I will endeavor to repair the relationships. Otherwise it is not necessarily a given that they will blame me for things outside of my control. If they do, I will only take responsibility for my share. “I cannot do this, I don’t know what we are going to do..” - I might not be able to do this, but God surely has an answer. I will trust Him all the way through until the end. I will try to calm down, pray and look at all the possible solutions. “I cannot lose my job” - I might not want to lose my current job, but if I do, there might be other better options available that I am not currently aware of. The Lord promises to work all things out for my good (Rom 8:28) and I can entrust this situation to Him too. “There is no way out of this..” - The situation seems very tough, but this is an ideal situation to see God working for His glory and my good. Also, I cannot say for certain that there is no way out since I have definitely not tried all options. “It is either this way or there is no other way..” - There will be many possible solutions and I need to open my mind to consider all. God sometimes leads in ways that do not seem like a solution e.g. walking on water. I will trust His judgement and be open to try creative solutions. “This is really bad!” - I should be careful to see all the factors in this situation, both positive and negative. I can ask the Holy Spirit and other believers to help me in my assessment of the situation. 6. Focus - Adjust your lens: ask yourself whether you are using the Word of God as your starting point for interpreting the events in the world and your own life? Or are you simply looking at circumstances as if there is no God or He is distant and aloof? As Christians we have the one and only loving God Almighty on our side. That gives us the advantage. We are never alone and have His faithfulness and tender care to support us. Find His promises of provision and protection in the Bible and prayerfully meditate on them. 7. Determine what you can do: sometimes we get so caught up with what we cannot do that we forget to focus on what we are able to do to solve a problem. Draw up a list of possible plans of action. Seek the Lord’s wisdom and follow His guidance however strange His instructions might seem. 8. Trust God to do what you cannot do: For with God nothing will be impossible (Luk 1:37). We all know this verse, but we tend to limit Him to our capabilities. Determine to focus your attention on the faithfulness of God, follow Him fully and He will provide. Let God decide how He wants to solve the problem. Use the situation to testify to His power and faithfulness. 9. Turn complaints into requests: Worrying leads to complaining and this works on everyone's nervesto perpetuate the worrying cycle. When you find yourself blabbering fears in a victim kind of way, immediately stop in your tracks and choose to turn that complaint into a prayer request. Philipians 4:6 teaches us to turn our anxiety into specific requests from God, adding thanksgiving and allowing the peace of Jesus Christ to guard our minds. God’s peace is the reassurance that He is right there with you. It does not have to make sense. You trust Him based on His character and not your circumstances. 10. Distract your mind and relax your body: We also need positive distractions to break the pattern of worrying. Try playing a boardgame, exercising, reading a novel, doing art, creative writing, blessing a less fortunate person or serving other people. These all allow you to direct your efforts to other activities that enhance your own and other people’s lives. Breaking the worrying habit can be difficult at first, but with regular effort you will be amazed at how much more peaceful and productive your thought life can become. Trust the Holy Spirit to guide you into all the truth as you embark on this journey with your faithful Lord by your side. Matters of the Soul is an Article 18A non-profit organisation registered in South Africa. If you want to contribute financially to enable our work and receive a tax deductible certificate, please email erich@mattersofthesoul.org or go to Donate |
AuthorsErich Schoeman and Monique Steenkamp share their thoughts on certain matters of the soul. Archives
December 2022
Categories |
RSS Feed
DISCLAIMER:
The information provided on this website/social media channel is not intended to be a substitute for the medical advice of a registered physician or mental health professional. It is meant to be helpful and informative, for the purpose of personal growth and self-help on the subjects discussed. The information, however provided, is not meant to be used, nor should it be used, to diagnose or treat any mental health condition. The viewer/reader should consult with their doctor on any matters relating to his/her mental health. The presenter/author is not responsible for any specific health needs that may require medical supervision and is not liable for any damages or negative consequences resulting from any treatment, action, or application to any person reading or following the information on this website/channel/article.
The information provided on this website/social media channel is not intended to be a substitute for the medical advice of a registered physician or mental health professional. It is meant to be helpful and informative, for the purpose of personal growth and self-help on the subjects discussed. The information, however provided, is not meant to be used, nor should it be used, to diagnose or treat any mental health condition. The viewer/reader should consult with their doctor on any matters relating to his/her mental health. The presenter/author is not responsible for any specific health needs that may require medical supervision and is not liable for any damages or negative consequences resulting from any treatment, action, or application to any person reading or following the information on this website/channel/article.