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By Erich Schoeman(Clinical Psychologist, Speaker, Trainer, Writer)

5 min read

“I’m a bad person!” Lizzy thought to herself after seeing another mother caress her baby at the mall. This thought had crossed her mind countless times over the last two years. Each time, she felt horrible, ashamed, and depressed. Two years ago, she became pregnant after a short-lived relationship. Feeling overwhelmed and anxious, she ended the life of her baby, believing it was the best decision. After all, she was only 22 years old and still studying. Yet, painful thoughts and feelings have tormented her ever since.

Three months ago, Lizzy started attending church again after years of being away. Her heart was stirred by the love of God, but the guilt kept dragging her down. However, the Holy Spirit never gave up on her and continually reassured her of God’s forgiveness. The Lord’s incredible kindness comforted her tremendously.

If you also carry the shame and guilt of ending the life of your unborn child, I hope this article provides comfort and encouragement. Abortion is a sensitive and polarizing topic. The aim of this article is to bring a non-judgmental approach while upholding Biblical truth.

Different Perspectives on Pregnancy

For many people, having a baby is a dream. Couples prepare with excitement, dream of a name, buy clothes, and decorate a nursery. Others, however, experience heartbreak through miscarriages, years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive, or failed medically assisted pregnancies. Yet for some, the news of a baby brings panic, a sense of burden, or feelings of inconvenience and trouble. These feelings may lead to the decision to have an abortion.

Research shows that for some women, especially those with religious beliefs, the reality of their choice may haunt them. This is because it goes against their understanding of what is right, and their consciences convict them. If you are one of these people, God wants to address this issue in your life. Perhaps this guilt weighs heavily on your heart too. Know this: God still loves you and wants to set you free. That’s why He sent His Son to pay the penalty for all sin—even this one.

God’s Forgiveness and Love

Crying out to God and hearing Him say, “You are forgiven,” is liberating! Although God hates sin and abhors abortion, He still loves you deeply. God knew we couldn’t save ourselves. That’s why Jesus died for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). This incredible gift of grace isn’t something we can earn—it’s free. God meets us right where we are, in our struggles and sin.

When we face challenging circumstances, we may feel tempted to take matters into our own hands rather than trust in God’s love, faithfulness, and goodness. Maybe you found yourself in an extremely difficult situation and didn’t see a way out. Anxiety and fear clouded your judgment, and abortion seemed like the best solution at the time. However, choosing this path is another way of not trusting God’s provision and care. Even so, God’s character is trustworthy, and He is able to guide you through any storm—even the ones of your own making.

The Bible says in Exodus 34:6-7 (NLT):
“The Lord is a God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness. I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.”

God, the Creator of the universe, forms every pre-born baby with His own hands. He knows each one by name and gives them life from the moment of conception. Taking this life is a tragic act that grieves His heart. However, no matter how you reached the decision to end your pregnancy, there is grace for you. God wants you to come to Him with a humble and open heart, acknowledge your sin, and receive His love and forgiveness. He understands your pain and offers you His sincere kindness and compassion.

Steps Toward Healing

If you are tormented by regret, God has a beautiful plan for your redemption and healing. He knows your name and has the power to restore this area of your life. He can turn even this pain into something good and for His glory (Romans 8:28). Here are steps you can take toward healing:

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
    Break the silence and end the secret. Talking to a trusted Christian counsellor or psychologist about your emotions can help bring comfort and perspective. Find out what are the layers of lies and pain that led you to this decision. Allow yourself to be led to a place where you entrust yourself fully to the care of God and wholly follow Him.
  2. Accept God’s Word
    Agree with God about the sinfulness of abortion, but also embrace the glory of His forgiveness. Allow His Word to penetrate the disobedience and lies in your life. He will lovingly convict you of sin, but also convince you of His love and forgiveness.
  3. Forgive Yourself
    When you know God has released you from guilt, release yourself as well. This may take time and multiple attempts, but the relief will be immense.
  4. Remind Yourself of God’s Truth
    Combat the accusations of the enemy by feeding your mind with God’s Word. Bathe in His love daily, worship, fellowship with other believers, and immerse yourself in Christian literature. Know that this healing journey is like building a puzzle, one piece at a time. Sometimes you find a lot of pieces all at once, and at other times they just seems to hide. Eventually you complete the picture and see the beauty of it.
  5. Practice Self-Care
    Take care of your body and soul. Rest, recuperate, and share your heart with caring friends. Love those around you and reach out to other hurting people, and live fully for the Lord.

Grieving and Restoration

If you find yourself struck with grief, know that it is okay to grieve. You have lost a child, and your heart may be broken. You are a mother (and/or father). Longing for your baby and thinking of them is a natural part of grieving. The abortion might have affected other areas of your life too like your marriage, health or parenting. Healing is available for these too. Seeking help from a Christian therapist can provide guidance and support as you navigate your feelings.

Recovery from trauma takes time, but healing can begin today. Embrace the restoration that the Lord has for you. His love can take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it into good. Trust in Him, and let His forgiveness and grace lead you to a place of peace and hope.

God’s love is unfailing, and His forgiveness is limitless. Come to Him with your broken heart, and He will restore and heal you. You are His beloved child, and He longs for you to experience His freedom and joy.