By Erich Schoeman (Clinical Psychologist; Speaker and Trainer, Father of two), Matters of the Soul (www.mattersofthesoul.org or www.sakevdsiel.org)
6 – 7 minute read
Have you ever heard of the Trojan Horse? Homer mentioned it in his book, The Odyssey, written about 700-800 years before Christ was born. The story describes how Greek soldiers were able to take the city of Troy after a fruitless ten-year siege by hiding in a giant horse supposedly left as an offering to the goddess, Athena. The people of the city of Troy accepted the gift and let it into their city. However, during the night, the soldiers who hid in the horse sneaked out and attacked the city from within. The Greeks tricked the people of Troy!
Photo by Wikimedia Commons
This is exactly what happens when the enemy lures Christians into sexual sin, including pornography. He tricks us by advertising it as fantastic, harmless, and free. We then fall for the free pleasure and find ourselves stuck and damaged.
It is important to know that your need for sex is normal and that God gave it to you. During your teenage years, this need will grow in preparation for your life as an adult. However, God wants you to use it within the safe boundaries He provided. He meant for sex to be used only in marriage between a man and a woman.
You know that sex in marriage leads to children being born, and if they are born in a godly family, they will grow up in a safe environment. God wants married couples to enjoy each other through bonding in this way. Yet, if it happens outside that safe space, it could lead to all kinds of problems.
Pornography awakens your desire for sex before the time is right and gives you a skewed idea of it. Research shows it can make you discontent, cause anxiety and depression, make you see people as sex objects, and even expose you to violent and harmful content. It is addictive and can lead to lots of shame and guilt.
I know it full well because I let myself get into the trap of pornography. It started when I was a teenager and I happened to stumble upon illicit material in a veld. After becoming a Christian, I got free, but there have been times of relapse, and it has really been a lifelong battle.
The Good News
The good news is that God gave us His Son, Jesus. When I trusted in Him to forgive my sins, He forgave the sins of my whole lifetime and made me pure forever. He set me right with God the Father and wants to do the same for you.
If you will allow Jesus to do the same for you, you will find that He does not condemn you but keeps you pure before God. Through His Spirit, He will teach you to live a clean life as He did. This will bring peace and wholeness to your life.
You might ask , “But how do I stay sexually pure? There are just so many temptations out there, and it is very difficult to live a clean life.”
Indeed, it isn’t easy, as temptations are all around, just a click away. You won’t be able to live a squeaky-clean life, but a committed one. To help with that, it is important to have clarity on a few important things.
Think things through
You might want to ask yourself a few questions first. What quality of spiritual and mental life do you want to have? Peaceful and solid, or chaotic and conflicted?
What kind of sexual relationship do you want with your spouse one day? Intimate, whole and free from unnecessary damage, or influenced by many, probably tainted and scarred? Your choices today influence the kind of future you will have one day. This will guide you when you come to the crossroads of decisions.
Do you know Joseph’s story in the Bible and how he was tempted by his boss’s wife to go to bed with her? Do you know what he did to handle the situation?
Listen to a part of the story in Genesis 39:7 – 9:
Joseph was well-built and good-looking, and after a while his master’s wife began to desire Joseph and asked him to go to bed with her. He refused and said to her, “Look, my master does not have to concern himself with anything in the house, because I am here. He has put me in charge of everything he has. I have as much authority in this house as he has, and he has not kept back anything from me except you. How then could I do such an immoral thing and sin against God?”
He reminded himself and her of why he did not want to commit sin and thought about the consequences. This kept him focused on his values and relationships with God and other people. He clearly thought this through before he got into the situation.
Fill your mind
Choosing what you want to fill your mind with will also help. Look at what Psalm 119:9-11 (GNT) says:
“How can young people keep their lives pure?
By obeying your commands.
With all my heart I try to serve you;
keep me from disobeying your commandments.
I keep your law in my heart,
so that I will not sin against you.”
Run!
You can also follow Joseph’s example some more, and when all else fails, run! He literally ran away from the tempting situation! In the moment of temptation, you will find it easier to run than to think. When most people encounter a snake, do they think about picking it up, checking if it is poisonous, and maybe even allowing it to bite? No! They usually run and scream!
So, keep a safe distance between yourself and temptation. The way I keep a distance is by looking away, leaving my phone in another room when I feel weak, or sharing my phone and PC passwords with my family. They have access to my online accounts and can check them at any time. This helps me to run.
Know who you are
A final thought: having a strong faith will build a foundation from which to say yes and no. Knowing who you are in Christ is crucial. You are a totally forgiven and loved child of God, even if you fail, because you are in Christ. Additionally, you have the Spirit of God. He will help you if you allow Him to.
What should I do if I have fallen for sexual sin?
Firstly, run to the Lord, not away from Him. He is always there to offer you grace. Pray with a humble heart, speak the truth to Him about what you have done, and receive help from Him. If you are in Christ, you have His forgiveness.
When the people of Corinth committed sexual sin, Paul the apostle reminded them that God had already made them holy when they accepted Christ and that their bodies were the temple of the Holy Spirit! They needed to live the way God made them, not according to their sinful desires.
Next, try to figure out why you fell into this sin. We sin for many reasons, and sometimes we are stuck in difficult circumstances and seek solutions. Maybe you want to be loved or long to experience pleasure and excitement. Try to figure out why you fell – were you curious, stressed, bored, lonely, or hurt? Did others pressure you? Rather seek proper solutions for these needs than a quick, fake fix.
The last thing to do is to tell someone you trust about this. Preferably a wise adult who cares about you and your relationship with God. Ask them to pray for you, and hold yourself accountable to them.
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